1. Dive location: The Sea of Cortez, Eastern Pacific Ocean Dangerous rating: **** (4/5) Dangerous animal: Humboldt squid Dangerous factor: The Sea of Cortez is teeming with Humboldt squid; they can grow up to 2 meters long and are ferocious marine predators which have been known to attack humans.
My most dangerous dive to date was whilst trying to capture a shot of The Sea of Cortez's most voracious deep sea predator, the fearsome Humboldt squid. As I looked up through the all enveloping darkness to the silhouette of the shark cage above and the other 2 divers it held safely inside, I couldn't help but think to myself 'Why the hell am I hovering 15m above a 1000m deep pitch black Sea of Cortez at midnight....on my own?!"
As I hung there, an no contract broadband blip in the vastness of that inky depths, and watched (very wide eyed I must say) the flashes, pulses and bursts of internet work as the crazed 4-5 foot long aliens left comet like trails through the phospho-luminescence, I couldn't help but reproach my thinking or control my anal sphincter come to that!
While the night unfolded, some business broadband Humboldts surrounded me, zipping in and out of my video lights to viciously snatch, grab and gnash at the glowing hookless lure before me. The adrenaline was coursing through my veins as I remembered the tales of divers being dragged down by these gigantic creatures. As we climbed onto the dive boat later that night, beaming with success (and relief that we were still in one piece), we asked the local dive guide whether he'd ever experienced that before, to which he answered "No way man! No one has ever chosen to swim with the Devilfish! Cos if they don't getcha then the local tiger and bull sharks will!!" I kid you not!
2. Dive location: Tiger Beach, Bahamas Dangerous rating: *****(5/5) Dangerous animal: Tiger and lemon sharks Dangerous factor: Big sharks, big teeth, brunei malaysia cage and a lot of bait in the water.
Tiger beach is an offshore sand bank, located 30 nautical miles off the Grand Bahamas, well known for the tiger sharks which often gather there. After a night of chumming the waters around our boat, the morning brought some real beauties, twelve 9 foot long lemon sharks were joined by a female tiger shark and at 12 feet long internet service was a real "bus" of a shark. Perfect. I jumped in, and it wasn't long before we were head to head, then side by side, as she swam around picking up fish bait. I remained calm and so therefore she remained calm, I wasn't on her lunch menu and as long as I respected her space and kept a watchful eye on her behavior all was well.
As the sun set, I switched on my filming lights and in the gloom it was clear to see the slow swimming adult lemon sharks from earlier in the day were now actively hunting. Compared to their previous docile behavior they now sped about, body postures more tense and definitely in search of something. Time to move on I thought. As I ascended to the dive ladder of our boat a 9ft lemon shark swam over my shoulder and bit down on the video light giving it a quick grind and shake before letting go and swimming off. Attracted by the lights faint electric pulse (picked up by the shark's electric sensors) it soon realized it wasn't anything edible; however, point made it was definitely time for me to clear the water!
3. Dive location: Bimini Banks, Bahamas Dangerous rating: *** (3/5) Dangerous animal: Bottlenose dolphins Dangerous factor: Large male dolphins are very protective and tiscali broadband you are faced with an echo sounding blubber pulse gun it makes you stop in your tracks believe me.
For many years male internet modem dolphins have been known to actively mug and kill harbour porpoises, just for fun, so I already knew that Flipper wasn't always Mr Nice! I was filming a family pod of dolphin's crater feeding in the sandy shallows of the Bimini banks. The dolphins swim along with their heads tilted to one side echo sounding through the sand in search of hidden razor fish and sand eels. When they locate their prey they then proceed to dig down with their rostrum (nose and mouth) with strong downward tail beats. I was side by side with them and getting some amazing footage for some thirty minutes before things changed.
The mothers and calves moved on leaving 2 dominant males which spun around and turned what was at one point a pleasant and friendly encounter into a full on face off. Their body language immediately changed and they simultaneously released an intense pulse of sonar directly straight at my chest. It felt like I was being punched in the chest and the expressions on the dolphins faces and body posture were less than friendly - gone was the playful cheeky smile - replaced with a kind of "you-wanna-piece-of-me?" kinda glare! Needless to say I knew when I wasn't welcome (an old girlfriend used to give me the same look!) so I quite happily let Flipper and his family head off on their own.
4. Dive location: La Paz, Mexico Dangerous rating: **** (4/5) Dangerous animal: Californian sealions Dangerous factor: Huge alpha male sealions are notoriously territorial. Bubble blowing is a well recognized display of aggression and so when in full scuba gear and faced with a 800lb bull you either hold your breath or look away fast!
It was whilst filming off Mexico that my dive buddy and I came across a male streamyx usage weighing in at around 800lbs entangled in a broken off piece of anchor rope. A quick inspection soon made it clear that the rope wasn't going to come off by itself so my small business broadband buddy took the lead as we edged forward to shepherd the bull against shallower rocks. Now my buddy is 200lbs of mostly muscle and an ex British marine to boot, however you may not be surprised to read that when holding onto the end of a frayed piece of old rope, which itself is fixed to an 800lb distressed and increasingly pissed off bull sealion, my buddy soon invented a new underwater sport of sub-surface water skiing! I followed the pair back into the shallows where my buddy was finally "rubbed free" against the razor sharp rocks, and I now faced an irate bull sealion torpedoing straight at me, as it practically shoved me out of the way I reached out with my left hand to catch hold of the rope.
A nano second later I was whipped round and towed at speed behind the mammalian steam train right hand swinging round the camera to record the ride. As the bull felt the increased mass of bulky cameraman he slipped out of fifth gear and pushed forward for true berserk gear and propelled out, clear of the water - it was now or never and with an all mighty yank, sealion and rope splashed heavily back into the water, sealion speeding off in one direction leaving the discarded rope floating in the blue water. Happy Days.
5. Dive location: Sipadan, East Malaysia Dangerous rating: ***** (5/5) Dangerous animal: Crocodiles and alligators Dangerous factor: Crocs and alligators are truly prehistoric creatures and have survived the millennia by relying on raw base level animal instincts.
The word was out that a tourist had seen a saltwater crocodile swimming over the shallow seagrass beds, some 30 miles offshore and separated from the mainland by a 600m deep channel, Sipadan had never in human history played host to such a creature before. Now with some 500 diving tourists visiting the island, swimming and snorkeling the surrounding reefs adding a 3m saltwater crocodile to the mix wasn't everyone's idea of fun. So the search was on, it had to be caught. I was standing on the beach and scanning the water with one of the resort managers when suddenly, and comically, a reef heron tried to land on a floating log some 300m offshore. However to the heron's dismay the log whipped around and tried to eat it.
There was our croc! After a bit of persuasion from myself I was soon in the water. With the camera as my invincible shield I filmed the croc up and down until the local wildlife police arrived and asked whether I would rope the croc up for them - no one else it seemed wanted to get in the water. I reluctantly made a noose and slipped it over the crocs head however the first tug from the officers just yanked the rope clear, woke up and clearly pissed off the resting beast. Unnervingly for me it decided, out of all the directions open to it, to swim straight at me and only with a bit of quick thinking did I manage to rise up a foot or so to let it literally swim through my legs - camera rolling and recording the entire event. I struck lucky with a second rope and the croc was hauled thrashing to the boat, transferred to a holding cage and taken back to the mainland.
Simon Enderby graduated from Aberdeen University with a BSc. degree in Marine Zoology. He is now Operations Director/Senior Cameraman at Scubazoo, Malaysia. Simon is a qualified PADI and BSAC Assistant Instructor with TDI Nitrox, Extended Range and Rebreather Diver certifications, as well as diving with "hard hat" and surface supply diving techniques. - read more about him at http://www.theunderwaterchannel.tv/simonEnderby.page
Simon Enderby -
The Underwater Channel.tv 2009
http://www.TheUnderwaterChannel.tv
According to Kevin Maher, the former FBI informant whose life is chronicled in the book Cop Without a Badge, maximum security prisoners love to watch Bravo.
Allow us to explain.
In an interview with Star, Maher - the ex-husband of Danielle Staub and the man that outed her shady past in the aforementioned book - expresses disbelief over Staub's decision to publicize her name and location.
"I can't believe Danielle would have allowed herself to go on TV - on a series that basically shows where she lives! - given what she has done in the past," Maher told the tabloid.
If any Colombian drug lords are reading this, Danielle Staub is really sorry for ratting you out.
It's true that Staub was arrested in 1986 as part of an extortion and kidnapping case. It's also true that she avoided jail time by giving up the names of various drug dealers.
But we somehow doubt those convicts are tuned in to The Real Housewives of New Jersey every week. Is this single wireless internet booster life really in danger? Yes, Maher claims.
"She helped put a couple of big-time Colombian coke dealers in jail," he said. "These are dangerous men who never forget... and they could be back out on the street now. It’s mind-boggling to me that she’d put herself at risk!"
In unrelated news, Maher also says Staub is a "raging nymphomaniac."
